http://www.box.net/shared/nz049z72yo
Feel free to download my 95% draft from the link. It needs to be viewed in two-up format with the cover page showing on Adobe Reader. Let me know if you have feedback on any particular page(s) or the book overall. Thanks for reading.
Hi Dan
ReplyDeleteThanks for the opportunity to review your monograph. I have a few thoughts & suggestions to share that I hope are helpful.
Kindest,
Odette
- Your use of the word ‘Treatise’ in the title is particularly interesting (and a little vexing, but in a good way) – especially since a treatise is very formal, systematic, synthetic, investigative piece…, which I think your content is the opposite of. Your content feels much more dance-like and choreographed, but in a Ralph Lemon sort of way (if you don’t know Ralph Lemon’s choreography work it might be worth a look) – very experimental but disciplined at the same time – much more concerned with the body as a vessel for movement of the everyday…
- That said, some of the most well known philosophers wrote treatises in their time (Machiavelli, Hume, Locke, Priestley) – I wonder if you looked at their works?
- When you presented it in class, you indicated that this was the start of something that would continue on. In which case – whilst I can understand the functional purpose of page 3, it doesn’t seem to fit with your intention. Also – the content lends itself of a feeling of sensitivity, appreciation, quietness, melancholy – and this page feels a little ‘jarring’ as an entry point to the remainder of the book. It indicates to me upfront what the purpose of the book is (or at least the first iteration of the book is) but doesn’t mesh with the wonderful lyrical, flowing nature of the rest of the content
- I’d be really interested to see you expand the content around some of the words that you seem most keen on: such as vantage point, authenticity, learning, observation, fatalism, passiveness, and absence – and what these mean to you in your life and how they inform your work
- There is a Zen-like quality to some of your writing, which I think could be taken even further. I was reminded of Charlotte Joko Beck’s book (Everyday Zen) in which she talks about the concept but it very simple, easy to understand terms and relates it to everyday like. My favorite quote of hers seems to apply to your work: “"For something to be OK, it doesn't mean that I don't scream or cry or protest or hate it. . . . What is the enlightened state? When there is no longer any separation between myself and the circumstances of my life, whatever they may be, that is it"
- If you don’t know the work of photographer Rinko Kawauchi I recommend having a look. I have her book ‘The Eyes, The Ears” if you’d like to borrow it. http://www.amazon.com/Rinko-Kawauchi-Eyes-Ears/dp/490294300X/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291299023&sr=1-4
Amazing feedback Odette! You've given me a lot of research to look into. Thanks so much.
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